Never Knew This Pain Before

I never knew the pain of hearing my child really cry--until today. Today we had our appt. with the ENT (Ears, Nose and Throat Dr) on the Navy Base. Very nice guy.  Basically he went over all the details of what a hemangioma in this area of the neck could cause.  He asked lots of questions-- basically trying to assess whether or not the hemangioma was causing any issues for Liam currently. Thankfully my answer to all his questions was no.  He looked at the hemangioma from the outside and basically assessed that he didn't think it would cause any problems, but he would still like to send us to a pediatric dermatologist and pediatric ENT  in Providence. He likes to air on the side of caution and ensure that he has not missed anything. I am fine with this. I too feel it is better to be safe than sorry.  He did feel as though he wanted to take a quick look from the inside to see if he could see anything out of the ordinary.  This is where I knew things were going to get ugly. Basically he explained that he would stick a small tube with a camera attached to it up Liam's nose and down his throat. I winced as every word came out of his mouth. Yes, the tube was small, but still-- as an adult I couldn't imagine having it stuck down my throat and I am 10 times bigger than Liam. The Dr. said that we would have to hold Liam and he would have a nurse come in and help stabilize his head. I looked at Gary, asked if he could hold Liam and with tears in my eyes I told them all I was going to step out of the room. I couldn't bare to sit there and watch. I knew it was going to upset Liam greatly and I couldn't sit and witness that. So I left. I stood in the hallway bawling and I listened to Liam scream for over a minute. I have yet to feel greater pain than that. The second I knew they were done-- I went back and in and scooped up my little boy. I am so thankful that Gary was there with us and that he was "man" enough to stay with our little boy. I feel awful that I couldn't, but I just couldn't. Thankfully, from what the Dr. could see with the camera it doesn't look like it is growing internally.  We will still see the Drs. in Providence, but I am hopeful that this will not cause long term issues.

Thank you for the thoughts and prayers-- keep them coming! I will keep you posted!